somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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