i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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