college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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