i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
