Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
