whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
