You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
