walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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