Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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