Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well I just put wine in my tea
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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