I love black thongs
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I smell like Dick and happiness
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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