I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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