Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
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You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
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Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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