I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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