i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
