It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
