Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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