This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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