Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
