yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
