In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
