All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
