You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
