I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
