break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
