i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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