someone threw a dead crab at me
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Randomize
