whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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