I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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