I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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