Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
