i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
