It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
