My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
