The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
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Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
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Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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