Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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