tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
