I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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