I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I want to fling myself into the sun
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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