she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
