careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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