Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
