I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
