haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
