I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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