it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
