He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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