I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Randomize
