So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just google imaged poop.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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