There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
