I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
