so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
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Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
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Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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