My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
