How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
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Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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