and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she peed on how many people?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
