When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
