Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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