Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
