Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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