so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
