i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
