i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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