Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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