my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Randomize
