I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He did a backflip because drugs
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
