i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
40s are totally the cure
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
