We named our party play list daddy issues
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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